<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>Take a Break by HouseholdGlitter</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26002201">Take a Break</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/HouseholdGlitter/pseuds/HouseholdGlitter'>HouseholdGlitter</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>En faire tout un fromage [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Hamilton - Miranda</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alexander Hamilton Has ADHD, Anxiety, Caregiver Gilbert du Motier Marquis de Lafayette, Caregiver Hercules Mulligan, Caregiver John Laurens, Eventual diagnoses, Genderfluid Marquis de Lafayette, Little Alexander, Little Hamilton, Multi, Non-Sexual Age Play, Nonbinary Marquis de Lafayette, Polyamory, Undiagnosed ADHD</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 02:14:49</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>8,580</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26002201</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/HouseholdGlitter/pseuds/HouseholdGlitter</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Alex didn't learn much from last time, and everyone realizes some changes need to be made.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Alexander Hamilton/John Laurens/Gilbert du Motier Marquis de Lafayette/Hercules Mulligan</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>En faire tout un fromage [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1868794</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>32</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>139</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It had been about a month since the dramatic showdown and nothing had really happened since. Well, not nothing. Hercules, Lafayette, and John had all done their own research and had all made preparations for Alex’s next appearance. Alexander didn’t comment on the gradually accumulating paraphernalia because, despite the assurance of his partners, he was still mortified by the whole situation.</p><p> He didn’t want a next time. It wasn’t as if he thought his partners would reject him or anything, they had already proven they wouldn’t; and it wasn’t that they didn’t seem willing to be a part of his littlespace, the stuffed animals slowly appearing to keep his loyal bear, Manny, company on his dresser; the sippy cups and bottles appearing in the cupboards; the onesies, footed pajamas, and overalls appearing in the back of his closet; and the package of diapers under the bathroom sink all screamed otherwise. Alexander simply felt a bit too exposed. </p><p>Being a part of any relationship entails sharing parts of oneself that wouldn’t be shared with anyone else, and being part of polyamourous relationship with three other people involved being even more exposed than that, however this was Alexander’s one thing that he had for himself, something that up to a month ago he had assumed no one would ever find out. Of course, Alexander had never taken into account that he may be sharing a living space with three people who love him and actually care about him.</p><p> He had been in some nice foster homes, but nothing that boasted the real unwavering love and adoration that he had found with his partners. Even when regressed without the privacy he had been afforded after leaving the system, it was just assumed that he was having issues moving from place to place and it was a symptom of his file. His tears, occasional soft spokenness, and the occasional wet sheets were never a cause for real concern, and were occasionally cause for punishment when in not so nice homes. His partners had broken that barrier. The shift from an unspoken private issue to “hey, tell us what’s going on with you because we care and we’re in love with you,” was simply a bit too uncomfortable. </p><p>He had gotten used to the idea that he was a person who could love and be loved in the past few years, or else he wouldn’t be here in this apartment, with these three fantastic human beings, but his secret being exposed, and his lack of preparation had him starting to regress in more way than one. Luckily he did actually have a massive dissertation to work on so being locked away from his partner’s and rarely coming up for air didn’t raise any eyebrows, thus far.</p><p>While Alexander was maniacally typing away, there came a knock at the door.<br/>
“Huh?” He asked absentmindedly, not looking up.</p><p>“Breakfast!” Herc called, trying to open the door frowning when he found it locked.</p><p>“Uh-huh,” Came the response. </p><p>“You need to eat.” Herc half shouted to the door, already weighing whether or not he should pick the lock.</p><p>“Yeah.” Alexander replied not really hearing his boyfriend over his thoughts.</p><p>“You didn’t come to bed again last night.” He tried again.</p><p>“Sure, in a sec.” Alexander responded, eyes still glued to the screen.</p><p>“Alexander!” Herc boomed. Alexander flinched, and moved to unlock the door.</p><p>“What?” Alexander shot, angry to be interrupted. Hercules took in the ragged sight of his boyfriend. His hair was greasy and knotted and had a pen stuck in it, the bags under his crazed bloodshot eyes made it look like he had been punched, his skin was a couple shades paler than usual, and he looked thinner than he had since before they had found this apartment.</p><p>“Right.” Hercules thought out loud. “Yeah, you’re done for the day.” He said decisively, reaching for Alexander’s wrist. Alexander jerked away.</p><p>“What do you want?” He questioned, rage ebbing up every second he was kept from writing.</p><p>“You need to eat, take a shower, and sleep for like, a week or something.” Hercules responded, reaching again to pull his boyfriend out of his office.</p><p>“I am not a child.” Alexander snapped, again jerking away from Herc’s grasp. Hercules frowned at the statement. He had a few discussions with Laf and John about their boyfriend’s lack of acknowledgement of the new purchases as well as the complete avoidance of any topic that could be deemed childish.</p><p>“I never said you were,” He tried carefully, pulling back slightly.</p><p> “I have work to do,” Alexander fired and slammed the door in his face before sitting back down to his laptop. As he went back to what he was doing he couldn’t figure out what he was about to type next. He wanted to cry, but instinctively reached for his bottom drawer. He winced realizing Manny was not there. Unsure of what to do, Alexander stared blankly at his screen. </p><p>He could go into the other room and get Manny, but now that his partners knew he just knew that they would assume it meant something other than him wanting his damn bear. His current mental state was not helped by the fact that he was exhausted, dehydrated, and had been absently confirming that he had eaten while everyone had been at work, all on top of the fact that he had been effectively isolating himself whenever possible since his partners found out.</p><p>The partners in question had of course noticed. Hercules sat down to his pancakes and looked at his partners helplessly. </p><p>“So, I take it the four of us having breakfast together isn’t happening.” John stated without humour. Hercules rolled his eyes. </p><p>“I do not think he understands vacation,” Laf rolled their eyes ruefully.</p><p>“We need to stage an intervention or something,” Hercules said, everyone had noticed Alexander’s withdrawal, and it made the other three nervous, but the sight of him actually attempting to work himself to death was heartbreaking. “He’s,” Hercules paused thinking on the sight, “He’s not okay.” His partners dropped their semi-annoyed demeanors. </p><p>“Mon Alexander est-il malade?” Laf questioned nervously.</p><p>“I think he’s making himself sick.” John responded, looking questioningly at Herc who nodded. “What do we do?” </p><p>“What about Alex?” Lafayette questioned. Despite having a complete workaholic boyfriend, they were French, a marquis, and somewhat of a socialite and did not quite understand their boyfriend’s aversion to relaxation, but that did not mean the effects that aversion had on him evaded them.</p><p>“He made it very clear he’s not a child,” Hercules supplied, taking a halfhearted bite of pancake. The three ate in silence for a moment, contemplating the situation at hand.</p><p>Meanwhile, Alexander was still grappling with his depleted physical state and trying to balance his headspace. Before his secret had been revealed he had been able to stop the shift to littlespace many times. His partners were watching a Disney movie? Decline joining in and work. A trip to the zoo? Work. Thunderstorms? Really loud music through his headphones and work. He paused, contemplating the implications of his behavior. He really did love his partners more than anything, but he had hidden so much from them. For an instant he considered going to them for help. Then that exhausted, anxious, mean little voice reminded him that not only was he not getting things done, but he snapped at Hercules and none of his partners wanted to deal with a temper tantrum throwing toddler who was actually an adult. Sometime in his thoughts, his thumb had slipped into his mouth for some iota of comfort. He quickly pulled it away when he heard the door handle move. Time to be an adult, he prepped himself.</p><p>“Mon amour?” Lafayette asked the pathetic sight before them, “I brought pancakes,” they were met with silence. “You need to eat.” They continued, though their boyfriend only stared at them. Alexander’s already red eyes were beginning to brim with tears. He stared at his partner, poised as if he was about to say something. Instead, he leapt out of his chair and threw himself at them, wrapping his arms around their neck and sobbing into their chest. Lafayette almost dropped the pancakes at the impact. They rubbed his back comfortingly peeling off the several sticky notes that had somehow stuck to his back. This was not the way they had hoped to see the bébé adorable again, but for now, they had an Alex to comfort.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>There are some translations at the end, I used my own French vocabulary which is a bit rusty, and double checked with Google Translate which could just be doing a good job identifying my mess, so if anything is obviously wrong, my bad, and I will fix it if I am made aware.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Lafayette stood a few moments with the boy before lifting him up letting Alex hang on to his neck, legs wrapped around their waist.</p><p>“Ne pleure pas mon petit.” They soothed, continuing to rub his back. “It’s okay. Everything is okay.” Lafayette was very very confused. From the conversation the four had last time Alex made an appearance, Alexander really only could not help it unless he was under a lot of stress. He had been on vacation, so where was the stress coming from? This was a way to stop being stressed, so why didn’t he just come forward earlier? Laf had noticed the distance their boyfriend had put up for himself, and had assumed something was going through his mind, which is why they had insisted he take a vacation from work while he was on this school holiday. The last week they had barely seen him, which wasn’t too concerning seeing as how Alexander preferred to be up all hours of the night.</p><p>“When is the last time you slept, mon petit?” They questioned softly.</p><p>“D-dun-no.” He responded through sobs. “Sorry. M’so sorry. Sorry.” Alex sobbed through ragged breaths.</p><p>“Shh, shh. Breath.” They insisted, lightly bouncing the boy.</p><p>“Tu as besoin de manger aussi” Laf muttered to themself. “It’s okay, tiny one.” They said, all they knew was that Alex needed to eat and sleep. “Allons-y.” With that, they carried the baby and the pancakes back to the kitchen.</p><p>When the two entered two pairs of eyebrows raised.</p><p>“That was quick.” John commented. The three were prepared for another fight in trying to coax Alexander out of his office for rest and recovery, Laf on food, John on guilt trip, and Herc on capture.</p><p>“No scheme necessary.” Laf responded still considering the position they had found him in, as they pulled a chair back to awkwardly sit down, Alex’s legs still wrapped around their waist, and face still buried in their chest. They pushed their contemplation down for the moment as they pried the boy’s hands from behind their neck. “Are you hungry mon petit ange?” They questioned delicately, grabbing his hands as he tried to go back into hiding.</p><p>Alex had stopped sobbing, too exhausted to expend such energy, and simply nodded. Laf cooed at the poor tired boy. “If you turn around it will be much easier to eat.” They reasoned. Alex’s lip quivered at the idea of turning around. He was far too tired.</p><p>“Oh no no no,” Laf pleaded, “no more tears mon petit.” Hercules pulled the plate forward and cut the pancakes into bite sized pieces.</p><p>“I am thinking that you are very sleepy n'est pas?” Alex leaned forward and nodded against their neck. John scooted his chair towards the pair and gently tucked a strand of hair from a bit of the baby’s face that wasn’t completely nuzzled in.</p><p>“Hey Kiddo,” he smiled brightly, “do you want some coff-“ he furrowed his brow, “erm juice?”</p><p>“Coffee.” Alex whined against Laf’s neck. Having not left his office at all in forty-eight hours and finally not hyper fixated on schoolwork, the withdrawal headache was making itself known.</p><p>“You sure Buddy?” John asked. It was a known fact that Alexander sometimes drank coffee specifically to go to sleep, but he really, really needed to get some serious sleep.</p><p>“How about,” Herc stood up to walk around the table to stand beside Lafayette, “we start with water, and before nap time you can have half a cup?”</p><p>“Noooo!” Alex protested as loudly as his dry mouth would allow. Herc narrowed his eyes at the very large toddler clinging to Laf.</p><p>“I bet your head really hurts.” He tried. Alex nodded while remaining nuzzled in. “Well, water is going to help that even more than coffee.” His offer was met only with another whine. </p><p>“Big.” Alex mumbled against Laf’s neck. </p><p>“What was that mon petit?” Lafayette asked, even they couldn’t hear the mumble. Alex made no move to pull away from his comfy spot in their neck.<br/>
“I be big.” Alex said, unable to do a better job acting due to sheer exhaustion. His three partners all took a pause and exchanged looks. Alex was clearly not doing well, and none of them wanted to fight him, or make this more difficult on anyone. Herc was the first to speak.</p><p> “Can you look at me?” The response was a small huff. “Please, Alex?” Alex shook his head to himself, but reluctantly looked up from his warm spot in Laf’s neck. “I think that you’ve been having a really hard time lately, and I think you’ve been having a hard time looking after yourself.”<br/>
A sense of guilt washed over everyone. The little one’s guilt over having worried his partners again, and the guilt of needing help, despite everyone telling him they wanted to, but there was also a sense of shame creeping through his headspace telling him he should get out of Laf’s lap, but their arms were wrapped around him rubbing soothing circles on his back and their mouth resting on the back of his head occasionally giving light comforting kisses. Everyone else felt Herc’s words too, and they all regretted not noticing sooner, Alexander was ever the workaholic, which was known long before the four decided to get a place together, but this was something different. Something no one really knew what to do about. A feeling of resolution hung over the room. Something had to be done. </p><p>“You can be as big or as little as you are feeling, but however you’re feeling, we’re going to take care of you today.” Herc finished.</p><p>“Whether you like it or not.” John added. “Do you want a sippy cup or a glass of water first?” Alex couldn’t think clearly enough to answer, only concentrating on how nice and warm Laf was, and how sleepy, sad, and confused he felt, and how comfortable it felt to be surrounded by the people he loves. Laf lifted their head and gently nudged him out of his comfortable position so his eyes met their’s. They smiled gently at the sad, sick little boy seated on their lap.</p><p>“Are you going to be mon petit Alex today?” They asked softly. Alex looked at them, and then to John, and then to Herc, and he really just wanted to lean into the comfort that was so willingly being offered, so he nodded. “Très bon, would you like a bottle or sippy?” they asked. Alex, desperately wanting to rest his head back into the warm crook of their neck held up one finger, and leaned back against them while John set to filling one of the bottles he bought with water, and Herc managed to coax the little one’s head up just enough to feed him bites of pancake from behind Laf’s chair, careful to avoid his partner’s hair. Alex was already ready to fall asleep, too tired to form coherent thoughts. John was beating himself up over the fact that he hadn’t noticed Alex’s deteriorating condition, and  that he hadn’t checked up on his boyfriend who was a mere two rooms away nearly enough. Laf was caught up in the fact that this is not what they meant by vacation, and questioning why Alex was apologizing earlier, while also deciding that they loved having a lapful of cuddly Alex. Herc really just hoped the rest of the day would go smoothly, and was trying to figure out what they could all come up with to prevent another meltdown.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Ne pleure pas- No more tears<br/>Tu as besoin de manger aussi- You need to eat too.<br/>Allons-y- Let's go<br/>Très bon- Very good</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>After the pancakes were finished, Alex still refused to let go of the very warm and comfortable person he was seated on. </p><p>	“We are going to go clean up now bébé endormi, alright?” The very warm and comfortable person questioned. Alex huffed and hugged them tighter. Herc laughed.</p><p>	“This might be a little bit difficult.” After washing the plate, he came back over to the attached pair. “Baby, I think you need a bath.” he said gently, which was immediately met with a long whine, and a wince from Laf as Alex squeezed even tighter. </p><p>	“Nuh uh.” He declared, nuzzling his face into Laf’s neck, he was so tired and their neck made his face so warm and comfy that the very idea of moving was out of the question. “Baba.” He explained.</p><p>	“You’re not getting any more coffee.” Herc declared. Typically it would be a suicide mission to stand between Alexander and coffee, but when dealing with extreme exhaustion, anything that could possibly interfere with sleep was not about to happen. Alex huffed again.</p><p>	“No.” He whined, “Baba!” He blearily leaned up and kissed Laf’s cheek for emphasis before letting his head drop back to its resting place. Laf’s heart swelled and they cooed, their voice went up about five octaves when they excitedly asked,</p><p>	“Am I Baba?” Alex gave them a peck on the neck.</p><p>	“Baba.” He confirmed. Had his anxious adult brain had any say, this would be too far, all of this would be, but that was analysis that would wait until after recovering from self-neglect. Lafayette had an enormous grin and they looked between Herc, John, and Alex in excitement. Herc smiled, and John let out a light laugh at his partner’s excitement.</p><p>	“What if Baba gives you a bath?” John suggested. He had been sitting back letting himself be consumed by the guilt of not making sure Alexander was actually okay and chalking it up to normal Alexander insanity. </p><p>	“No.” Alex hummed sleepily, he was perfectly content right where he was, already on the verge of falling asleep.</p><p>	“You need to get clean, Stinky.” Herc half joked, “We can make the bath really really quick.” He promised.</p><p>	“No!” Alex insisted. John frowned.</p><p>	“When was the last time you took a shower?” He questioned angrily. Alex’s face screwed up. He couldn’t think right now, and everyone was telling him he needed to sleep, and he didn’t want to take a bath, and he especially didn’t want to stand up and take a shower.</p><p>	“No.” He replied adamantly. John stood up, and attempted to pick the boy up from behind. “No!” Alex cried, squeezing his baba as tightly as he could.</p><p>	“John!” Laf admonished, wrapping their arms around the baby and rubbing circles on his back.</p><p>	“Not helping.” Herc added.</p><p>	“He needs a bath, and he’s not going to take one unless we make him.” John defended. Laf raised an eyebrow at him then directed the look to their other boyfriend before focusing their attention on the little boy who currently had them in a death grip. </p><p>	“Why don’t you help me get one running?” Herc suggested, standing up and ushering his boyfriend out of the room. </p><p>Hercules turned on the tap and plugged the drain when it was running at a decent temperature before standing up and turning to John. </p><p>	“Well?” He questioned.</p><p>	“What?” John asked. Herc sighed. </p><p>	“You seem a bit upset.” He observed. John frowned at the statement and sat down on the toilet lid, rubbing his eyes into his palms.</p><p>	“None of us had any idea he wasn’t taking care of himself. I didn’t even check up on him, I thought he was just being,” he paused, “him.” John rested his chin in his hands. “This is scary.”</p><p>	“Yeah it is. It’s not okay, and I don’t know what to do about it.” Herc confessed. “We are all going to figure out how to make this not happen again. Any ideas welcome.” John opened his mouth, “But,” Herc interrupted, turning to check the temperature and add bubbles “we need to have this talk with our adult boyfriend. The little boy in there needs a more gentle touch.” When satisfied, he turned the tap off and stood up. “It's not your fault. It's not any of our faults, not even Alexander’s, it isn’t normal to willingly go without food or sleep for days. We thought he was getting those things even though we weren’t seeing it because most people can’t forget they need those things to survive.” John stared a moment before standing up and wrapping his arms around his boyfriend’s neck, landing a peck to his cheek. </p><p>	“How come you’re always right?” He asked incredulously. Herc grinned returning the hug, deciding to omit the fact that he had just come up with that explanation to make them both feel better. The weight of what had happened and what was to come didn't really go away, but for John, the realization that problems weren't going to be fixed right away and they weren't caused by him, and for Herc, realizing he wasn't the only one struggling with guilt and self doubt over Alex's current state definitely eased the load. </p><p>	“Do you want to try saying that in front of Alexander on a good day?” He joked. John laughed. </p><p>	“See, Sweetheart, I actually do have some self preservation instincts.” He stretched up and kissed the taller man’s nose. “Thank you.” His heels went back down. “I’ve got a baby to apologize to. I may have been a bit rough.” He turned around and opened the door only to be met by Laf holding Alex on their hip. </p><p>	“Ducky?” Alex asked hopefully. Laf smiled, having heard the last bit of the conversation, and turned their head to Alex. </p><p>	“Oui mon petit. Who picked out the duckies?” Laf asked. Alex pointed to John.</p><p>	“Papi!” He responded. While feeling bigger the scenarios he had imagined that hadn’t irrationally ended in his partners taking back their acceptance had the nicknames already in place. Nicknames that would add to his imminent freak out over his second accidental slip. For now, Alex was happy to be convinced to take a bath with the promise of rubber duckies, soft jammies, and a nap with lots of cuddles. Baba, papi, and he who had yet to be given a title, were all excited to spend the day with their baby.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Any critiques are welcome, this chapter came from needing to write so that my entire concept for this story didn't die in the water. If it is bad, I get it and appreciate the sentiment, if it doesn't make sense I will fix it. I apologize if it is not up to par, and have nothing against comments, questions, concerns, and good old fashioned editing. Thank you and good day, dear ones.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I know it's taken me a while to write and post this, but college is the pits, and also I've actually started writing other stories in this universe, that'll come after I finish this guy. Thank you!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Getting Alex out of the bath turned out to be just as difficult as getting him into it. John tried to suppress a laugh as water splashed all over him as a result of a cranky petulant kick. Laf sent him a death glare as they used the soft towel in their hands to wipe their face. In Alex’s defense, the three of them had just coaxed him out of being warm and snuggly, and back into being warm, and were trying to coax him back out again. He really just wanted to stay warm and cozy. Hercules tutted.</p><p>“As soon as you get out, we’re going to get you into some jammies and take a nap in the big comfy bed for as long as you want.” Alex pouted suspiciously. </p><p>“I bet Manny wants a big snuggle. He’s been sitting on the dresser for a really long time, and I bet he’d find it a lot comfier on the bed.” Hercules reasoned. Alex narrowed his eyes, but finally reached his arms up to Laf who happily draped the towel around the fussy boy, and helped him out of the tub, while Herc set to work cleaning out the grime that came from not showering for a couple weeks. </p><p>“Bravo, mon bébé!” They encouraged, “Stay right here. I am going to make sure you have the most comfortable sleep.” They kissed his forehead, let go of his arm, and went to make the bed, and find the cozy teddy bear footed pajamas.  Alex maintained his frown as he slumped to the floor, still clinging to his towel. The sleep in his eyes and in his brain growing stronger each moment. The coffee helped his headache marginally, but now it was getting stronger. He wanted to cry, but his eyes hurt too bad, so he let out a long whine and rubbed his eyes with his fists. Herc glanced around, but continued when John quickly shut the linen closet, and sat down next to Alex. </p><p>“Hey Buddy, you tired?” John asked lightly, wrapping an arm around the boy’s towel clad shoulders.</p><p>“Hurts.” Alex whined, still rubbing his eyes as hard as he could. John frowned and pushed Alex’s hands down. </p><p>“What hurts Buddy?” </p><p>“Head.” Alex responded grumpily. Typically, Alexander’s loquaciousness transcended headspaces, however being little combined with exhaustion and a massive headache made sentences very difficult at the moment. </p><p>“Okay Honey, let Papi take care of it.” John pulled his arm back, and kissed his cheek, before standing up to fill a bottle with water, and grab some ibuprofen. When Alex’s foggy brain finally caught up to the loss of contact, John was already gone, and Alex let out a whine to the last adult in the bathroom.</p><p>“Daddy,” He wailed. Herc stopped for a moment, and turned the water off, before turning to the adorably pathetic sound.</p><p>“Oh, Sweetheart, come here.” He stooped down to pick up the cranky miserable Alex, who was barely able to lift his arms to help. Alex’s eyes closed against Herc’s warm shoulder. He was completely asleep before they even left the bathroom. He did not wake up when John entered the room to set the pills and the bottle on the nightstand. It made the process of dressing him very difficult, luckily there were three people to help. He did not wake up when Manny was tucked into his arms, and he was tucked into the huge bed, given three kisses on the forehead, during the three I love yous, or when the door finally shut. </p><p>John went to do the breakfast dishes, which vaguely startled Herc, as he was typically the one unable to let dirty dishes sit, even Laf gave a strange glance, as they leaned against the island. Herc went to browse Netflix. Laf stared in confusion at the back of John’s head, as John put extra energy into scrubbing the dishes clean before placing the dishes into the dishwasher. After the sink was empty and scrubbed out, John started towards their little library room. </p><p>“Hanging out!” Laf called. John stopped and knit his eyebrows together. </p><p>“Hang on?” He questioned. </p><p>“Yes, that. What are we doing about our Alexander? He,” Laf thought for a moment, before deciding to just go on, “Toute cette situation s'est transformée en vinaigre. Est-ce ma faute? J'ai pensé que ce serait bien pour lui- de prendre des vacances. Est-ce ce qui fait de lui…” </p><p>They paused, suddenly feeling weak as they steadied themselves against the island. Their volume suddenly dropped.  “Qu'il a l'air si mince et il a l'air malade, devrait-il aller à l'hôpital? L'ai-je rendu malade?” John was only able to pick out pieces of what they had said, but walked over to wipe away a fallen tear, and pull them into a hug. Herc walked in expecting an entirely different scene as French ranting typically meant a drunk or angry Lafayette. He walked over to soothingly rub their back and press a long kiss to their temple, having something of an idea of why his partner was so upset. When John let go, he gave a sheepish smile.</p><p>“I’m sorry Honey, but all I heard was, ‘vinegar, vacation, and hospital'. I think I’m missing something.” Laf walked to the table and slouched into a chair, as their boyfriends followed suit. </p><p>“Is it my fault?” They asked simply. “I am meaning for telling him to take a break.” John and Herc still looked confused, and Laf got more frustrated, taking some more deep breaths. “He is sick, non?” John and Herc paused to think of a response. Laf’s voice grew louder, “He is too thin. He is pale. His eyes are red and bruised.” Laf got frustrated trying to explain again, and was growing more frustrated at having to double check their translations, not realizing they were being heard.</p><p>“Hey, I understand.” Herc rushed to clarify, and looked to John. “We understand” Laf let out a sigh of relief, as the three sat in silence for a moment. </p><p>Every one of them had seen Alexander in a non-stop work phase, and all of them had dealt with the aftermath. The difference this time, was that it had happened in their shared home, and that it had gone on far longer than any of them had seen before. Plus Alex typically dealt with the first bit of aftermath on his own. </p><p>“I think that Alexander will feel better if we let him sleep as long as he can.” Herc began. “I think that him being little right now is a really good thing, because we can take care of him more.”</p><p>“Not to mention how cute he is in his bear footsie pajamas.” John added, cooing at the image, which made his partners smile a little bit.</p><p>“That too,” Herc agreed. “But I also think that even if Alexander decides to be big, we need to make sure he’s eating, hydrating, sleeping, and absolutely no working for the next few days, which might be a bit more complicated.” He frowned at the thought. He was extremely supportive of little Alex, they all were, but they were all also supportive of Alexander. Alexander is an adult, an equal partner in the relationship, and Herc was particularly concerned about the very thought that putting down rules, temporary as they might be, could make Alexander regret sharing such a vulnerable part of himself. John was less concerned, and he expressed as much with a snort.</p><p>“Yeah, for the second time in like, a month, he freaked all of us out by hiding in his office and not taking care of himself," He paused for a second "or letting us know that needs to be taken care of. If he tries to fight a few days of extra attention, for being sick, nay making himself sick, I will kick his ass.” John crossed his arms shooting both of his partners a challenging look. Herc rolled his eyes, but smiled when Laf let out a small chuckle.</p><p>“Anyway, I still think we should wait to discuss this with our adult boyfriend, but-”</p><p>“He needs a therapist.” John interrupted, arms still crossed. “You said it yourself, people need to eat and sleep. The fact that he didn’t, probably at all, for the last three weeks, isn’t okay. It’s something we can make sure that he does until he’s feeling better, but after that, it’s not like we can stop him from doing it again. Alexander is a passionate, genius, workaholic, and I know I don’t want to stop him from being any of that, but whatever this-” he gestured to the bedroom-”is…” He trailed off, uncrossing his arms, “He needs help.” The room was silent for a moment.</p><p>“I can get someone to vet therapists.” Laf supplied, pulling out their phone.</p><p>“Hang on,” Herc put his arm out to stop Laf’s typing. “I don’t think you’re wrong, but this needs to be something Alexander agrees to.”</p><p>Lafayette’s face fell. John frowned. Despite Herc’s talk it was still disturbing to see his boyfriend so sick, and it was even more disturbing to know that he had done it to himself. </p><p>“Hey, let's watch something French with English subtitles. I still don’t know what that vinegar thing was about.” He suggested. “Whenever Alex wakes up we can see who’s toys he likes best.” He stuck his tongue out at the other two, very confident in his purchases. Herc leaned forward and lightly bit his tongue. John laughed.</p><p>“Not fair.” He shot a pointed look at Laf, and held his hand out to his partner. “Sound good? For now?” Laf managed a smile and grabbed his hand. </p><p>“For now.”</p><p>When Alexander woke up, his head was still very foggy, and he still had a headache though much more mild. He wanted to go right back to sleep, but his incredibly dry mouth made him open his eyes. When he started to roll over, he realized that everyone was in bed. He had obviously slept longer than he had intended. He looked over to the nightstands to see if anyone had brought a glass of water he could steal. He stared for a moment at the bottle on the nightstand. His thoughts were too blurry to make sense of it, so he started to sit up when he felt the familiar feeling of a wet diaper between his legs, and he looked down to see his fuzzy pajamas, and suddenly, anxiety cleared the tired fog over his thoughts, and he quickly darted up and heaved himself over John to run to his office and lock the door.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Laf's thing literally translates to "“This whole situation has turned into vinegar. Is it my fault? I thought it would be good for him - to take a vacation. Is that what makes him ..."  "He looks so thin and he looks sick, should he go to the hospital? Did I make him sick?"</p><p>As always I appreciate critique, as I myself am having a bit of insomnia writing this, so anything that needs fixing, or clarified, I am happy to do.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Sorry? Maybe? No idea. It's fun to write, marginally less fun to edit, and this is supposed to be fun for me.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>John woke up immediately from the shift and groaned. Taking a moment to question whether or not he really needed to get up, he pushed himself out of bed and shuffled to where he had heard the door slam.</p><p>“Hey.” He called groggily trying to open the door, it took a moment to realize it was locked. “Alex.” He called again, his eyes half closed from sleep. “Fine.” He slurred loudly, and shuffled back to the bedroom.</p><p>Alexander stared at the inner panel of his desk blankly. This was the second time in... not too long, that he had slipped accidentally,</p><p>“Fuck,” he shouted to no one in particular, as he went over the parts where he had been more awake than asleep. Fuck,” he shouted again.</p><p>That was too much. He took too much. Alexander took some deep breaths. He didn’t even remember what had triggered this. He had been working on his paper for, well, however long. Then Hercules had interrupted him mid-sentence, then Laf walked in, and he was about to yell at them too, but then he just shifted mindsets. Alexander shuddered. He had switched headspaces without being able to help it. He couldn’t figure it out.</p><p>While staring at the wall and trying to over-analyze everything, his thoughts were interrupted with a click and the door creaking open.</p><p>“Alex,” Hercules mumbled as he walked straight to the desk, and flopped to the floor to face the inside. “Baby, please come back to bed.” He asked groggily. “You still need sleep, I need sleep. I think your papi is about to fall over.” He glanced to the doorway where John was leaning against the doorframe with his eyes closed. Alexander looked over at Hercules, eyes still blank.</p><p>“I’m sorry,” He rasped, “I must have overslept.” He moved out from under the desk and helped Hercules up. “I have to finish up the idea that I was in the middle of this morning.” He was trying to buy himself more time to think, and give his partners an excuse to have space. “You two go to bed. I’ll just finish up in here.” Hercules just stared at him for a minute.</p><p>John groaned from the doorway, then walked to his boyfriends and heaved Alexander over his shoulder. It wasn’t too difficult as Alexander probably hadn’t eaten a full meal in weeks, until of course he had processed what was happening.</p><p>“Put me down,” he insisted, as he struggled. He looked up at Hercules, who was following behind and totally not helping him break free, in betrayal. John finally set him down in the kitchen.</p><p>“You hungry? Thirsty?” John asked. Waking up just before the sun came up on a regular basis anyway, means that John wasn’t going to go back to sleep anytime soon. Though, given the fact that he didn’t have work, made it disturbingly early.</p><p>“I’m fine.” Alexander replied, still dazed, and still sporting a dry mouth. “I told you,” he glared, “that I need to finish what I was working on this morning.” He turned to leave, but Hercules put his arms out, ready to block any exit attempts.</p><p>“Nope.” Herc said simply. Alexander took a few more deep breaths.</p><p>“Look,” Alex forced himself to choke out, “I really appreciate your help yesterday. Now, I have work to do.” A strange panic was building in his chest as he said the words.</p><p>“Nope.” John repeated. Alexander looked between the two feeling very trapped and unsure. “You haven’t eaten anything since yesterday morning. Sit down.” He commanded.</p><p>“I’m not hungry.” Alexander responded, refusing to move. Hercules heaved a sigh.</p><p>“Too bad.” He said, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. “Sit down,” he repeated. The hesitancy he felt at having to lay down the law for Alexander drained the second he realized that his boyfriend’s plan was just to lock himself in his office again. It was also very difficult for him to take anyone wearing fluffy teddy bear pajamas very seriously, even with the hood down.</p><p>“Look. I know I seemed pretty pathetic yesterday,” Alexander began, his voice crackling from thirst, “ I know I went too far. I’m sorry. I’m okay now though. I just need to finish my paper.” Hercules clenched his jaw at the statement.</p><p>“Tell us Alexander, how did you go too far?” He asked in a low tone, fairly certain the answer wasn’t going to be what he wanted to hear. No, Hercules was positive that his boyfriend did not actually understand where he went too far seeing as how he was trying to go back to his office to continue working himself into an early grave. Alexander went red as he looked down to his feet and heaved a big sigh between the deep measured breaths that were staving off a panic attack.</p><p>“You know how.” He muttered.</p><p>“What was that?” John asked turning from his quest to find something to make for breakfast. He was catching on to where Herc was going with this, and doing his best to not lose his temper.</p><p>“I said,” Alexander enunciated loudly, “you know how.” His face was still burning, and despite the confident tone of his voice and his deliberate breaths, he was shaking. He could not fathom why his boyfriends were insisting on humiliating him like this. It was bad enough that yesterday had happened at all but the fact that they were trying to make him repeat it back to them while sporting footie pajamas and a wet diaper made Alexander want to sink through the floor.</p><p>Maybe that was the point. Maybe they wanted him to see how ridiculous this all was. His eyes started filling, and he reached up to wipe the tears falling against his will.</p><p>“Fuck,” he sobbed to the void for the third time today. Finally he sat down at the table, cringing at the cold, wet reminder of why he needed to work on making this not happen again. He thought of Manny sadly, and pressed his palms into his sore tired eyes that were still threatening to brim over.</p><p>Manny had been with Alex after his father left, a gift from his cousin. Manny was there with him when he was bedridden, when he was in the hospital, when he left the hospital an orphan. He was there when the last of his family left him. Manny was the only one there for him when the hurricane struck and was typically the only connection he felt safe enough having as he moved from home to home. The thought that he had to throw him away, made Alexander nauseous. He didn’t even realize he was shaking so hard until he heard his name.</p><p>“Alexander. Hey. Sweetheart. Please look at me.” Hercules pleaded, gently holding his arms. He was crouching in front of him. He looked up from his hands trying to regain his breathing and look at Hercules through his blurred vision.</p><p>“Good job.” Herc tried to smile in assurance. “Can you take some big breaths for me?” He asked. Alexander complied, trying to ground himself. He looked up to see Lafayette had entered, and was leaning against the counter fixated on their phone. He turned to see John staring at him. His breathing hitched, and he did his best to school it. He felt selfish, because for a moment he thought of the regret of not playing with the stuffed animals that had been keeping his loyal bear company instead of him while his partners were out. They of course would have to go too. He focused. His partners were obviously trying to make him see for himself how ridiculous it was for him to feel the need to be so pathetic. If he pretended to ignore it or give into his emotional state now, he had no doubt they would take care of him and be just as loving as they were yesterday. Alex heaved a shaky sigh.</p><p>“I’m sorry.” He said finally. He was worrying his family again, and he avoided them again. John shushed him and pushed a glass of water towards him. Alexander looked at the glass but he didn’t trust his shaking hands just yet. “I’m sorry.” He repeated himself, keeping his breath steady. “I love you all. I fucked up again. I’m so sorry.” Herc stood up and sat down on his other side, then Laf finally put their phone down and sat across from him. Alexander turned to the table and tried to prep himself for whatever was about to be said.</p><p>After a moment of uncomfortable silence Herc started.</p><p>“How do you think you fucked up?” He asked. “Because,” he quickly added, “I don’t think you understand what the actual problem is.” Alexander’s face momentarily fell from its forced neutral position.</p><p>It made sense to him why Hercules wouldn’t think he could understand. He had given enough reason to make all of his partners think less of him. He took things too far yesterday, and he hid from his partners for like, probably a week or something.</p><p>Well, actually he had gotten a lot of work done. Maybe a week and a half. That’s when he got completely lost in his dissertation, and he took a nap feeling more stressed out because of the dream he had, and he wanted to be little, but John was there and he was annoyed with Herc for finishing some show they were watching together. He remembers John talking about it for a while and he got stressed because he couldn’t follow along with the ranting but he had said... Something, that made him remember a point he was trying to make in his paper. He went back to that, then it seemed like every few pages someone interrupted him, which was frustrating. Then he lost train of thought, and realized he was hungry and tired and thirsty, and he got up, but it was midnight, and he didn’t want to wake anyone up so he grabbed a granola bar, and went back into his office wishing he had Manny but again, he didn’t want to wake anyone up, especially waking up thinking he was little and waking up for him. He kept working. Then at some point he had started to feel really paranoid that his partners were all actually weirded out by what he had told them, and whenever anyone came in trying to see if he was hungry or wanting to watch a movie or needing a break he went silent and waved them off. Then he locked the door and he got to a really good part in an argument he was making, and Hercules had knocked and then he kind of lost it.</p><p>“What’s today?” He asked. John rolled his eyes and looked at his phone.</p><p>“The seventh.”</p><p>Alexander blinked.</p><p>“What?” He asked.</p><p>“The seventh.”</p><p>“But I started my vacation,” he thought for a moment.</p><p>“Le quatorzième. Le mois dernier. “ Laf responded.</p><p>“The fourteenth. Last month.” Alexander repeated back in English. “Oh.” He finally picked up the glass of water and gulped it all down. It had been a long time since he’d had a work binge that long. “I didn’t realize. I’m sorry.” He said again.</p><p>“How did you not even realize?” John asked, completely bewildered.</p><p>“I don’t know. I guess the days got all mushed or whatever.” Alexander responded, trying to shrug off the disbelieving looks he was getting.</p><p>“How do you think you fucked up?” Hercules asked again. Alexander’s bewildered thoughts went off track again. He sighed.</p><p>“I obviously didn’t get enough sleep,” he began, and Hercules felt relieved for a moment. “And I really didn’t want any of you to think you had to take care of me,” Alexander felt his face heat up again, “ like you did yesterday, and the lack of sleep made me lose control, and then I basically ruined everyone’s day. I also crossed a line by giving you all what seemed like an official role when none of you are in any way obligated to even interact with that side of myself.”</p><p>No one spoke for a moment, everyone was trying to puzzle out what to say and how to say it, though John did open and shut his mouth a few times. At the silence Alexander continued, assuming they were waiting on him to say more.</p><p>“Which won’t be an issue anymore. I know you all said you were okay with helping, but I understand how it was inappropriate of me to... do that, again so soon after you found out. Laf I am so sorry for clinging on to you for so long. And I apologize to all of you for allowing myself to be swept up in such a state, and I will do everything in my power to make sure it doesn’t happen again.”</p><p>Finally, John’s opening and shutting mouth produced noise.</p><p>“Shut up,” John barked. “That’s so not the point. You didn’t sleep. You also, didn’t eat, didn’t shower, and to top it all off, we all asked how you were, if you were hungry, if you needed anything, and you said you didn’t need anything and that you had already eaten.” He suddenly dropped his anger.<br/>“Were you trying to prove something? Are you starving yourself?” Alexander was shocked at the assumption. His eyes widened and he took in everyone’s anticipation.</p><p>“No,” he quickly asserted, “I ate.” He defended weakly, thinking of the couple bags of chips and granola bars, and he had some water at some point, though most of his diet had been coffee.<br/>“And I didn’t really hear you ask those things. Most of the time. I was really really focused on my paper and then I thought,” he sighed, “I didn’t want you to think of me like a child who couldn’t fend for myself.” He took a deep breath “I was worried. I know.” He thought for a moment, and took and took another deep breath.<br/>“I know you guys love me. I know that none of you are worried about this like I am. But I’ve been doing it for years, alone, and I thought it would always be something that I do alone. I thought about...” Alexander blushed, “playing or whatever,” he rushed, “a few times, but then I kept getting anxious, and then there was something important that I could focus on, and I guess I got too focused.” He leaned forward and rested his chin on his hands. “Still, I wasn’t trying to be little and I wasn’t trying to rope any of you into taking care of me, and I feel like that’s what happened, and I’m sorry.” Laf finally spoke up.</p><p>“Tu ne m'as pas obligé à te porter.. Tu étais adorable même si tu avais l'air malade.” They frowned, and continued “Tu as toujours l'air malade. Je suis un marquis en Amérique et je suis fabuleux, je ne fais pas ce que je ne veux pas faire.” Alexander managed a smile and a light laugh.</p><p>“Non, tu ne pas.” He agreed, reaching across the table to grab their hand. “Je ne veux pas vous surprendre avec ça. Je ne veux pas me surprendre.” John and Hercules looked at the two, picking up various words. Laf sighed, letting go of his hand.</p><p>“It wasn’t an unpleasant surprise. You can be little whenever your heart desires it. You must eat and sleep though too, more than your heart desires it.” They responded. Alexander nodded solemnly.</p><p>“I know. I’m sorry.”</p><p>“Ah, and also I am very proud to be Baba.” They added with a grin. Alexander blushed again, but couldn’t help the slight smile at the genuineness.</p><p>“And I’m loving being Papi.” John added seriously. “You don’t have to be anxious about that. I love you when you’re big and when you’re little. You’re actually super fucking cute when you’re little.” He reached to pull the hood of the pajamas up, showing off the teddy bear ears, and cooed. Alexander rolled his eyes and pushed the hood back down.</p><p>“I seriously thought I was going to melt when I found out I was Daddy.” Hercules supplied. “You don’t need to be alone.</p><p>Alexander buried his face in his arms, still totally embarrassed, but feeling much better about what had happened the day before. Except for one thing.</p><p>“I need to go change.” He hurriedly stood to get up, but Herc put his arm out.</p><p>“Hang on. One more thing.” Alexander sat back down grimacing again at the cold wetness he was met with.</p><p>“We are all going to have a serious talk about how to make sure you don’t make yourself sick again,”</p><p>“I won’t,” Alexander interrupted hastily.</p><p>“But, we’re still going to come up with ideas just in case,” Herc continued. “For the next few days though, whether you’re feeling big or little you’re taking an actual break. No working. You’re going bed at a decent hour, eating with whoever’s home.” Alexander raised an eyebrow.</p><p>“Yeah, at least until Laf stops thinking you need to be on an IV.” John said. Laf rolled their eyes.</p><p>“He is shaking. I think he is having a seizure,” They defended, then turned to Alexander. “If your foot sets in your office I will drag you to every gala planning committee meeting for the next three months.”</p><p>Alexander had an urge to protest, but did his best to smother it in light of his partners’ worry. He used every bit of energy he could muster to swallow his argument and nod in agreement. Herc hid a smile at his partner’s threat, deciding not to point out that bringing their overly opinionated boyfriend would be more of a punishment to Laf.</p><p>“Do you want to be little or big today?” He asked. Alexander’s eyes widened and his blush returned, so he looked down at the table.</p><p>“I can be big.” He said quickly. Laf was the first to roll their eyes.</p><p>“Que préfères-tu?” The asked. Alexander really really wanted to play with the new stuffies and cuddle Manny after it had already been a difficult morning.</p><p>“Um.” He squirmed in his chair and bit his lip. “I guess,” he stopped and breathed. “Would it be okay if I was little?” He asked quietly, still staring at the table. He felt a kiss on his temple.</p><p>“It would be perfect.” Herc responded.</p>
  </div></div>
</body>
</html>